Is the Golden Rule Relevant?

“Following the ‘Golden Rule’ will cause more conflict than chemistry.”

I heard this on my way in to work on Friday, and it almost caused me to stop the car (I was on 405 in traffic, so I was already at a standstill…).  Really?  How can that be?  The Golden Rule, or variants thereof, form a foundation of many of the world’s religious and ethical norms – from Animism to Humanism to Zoroastrianism, and everything in between.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Golden_Rule

Most commonly heard is the version: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

It was the next statement that brought it all to a point that made sense:


“We should do unto others as they would like to be done unto.”



If we interact with others in a way that THEY can relate to, we will be far more successful than if we interact with others in a way WE can relate to.  It’s analogous to traveling to a foreign country and “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”.  We need to flex to each other, and interact in a way that is most effective for the other person, not just focus on ourselves and our style.

In order to have chemistry in our interactions with our co-workers, customers, friends, loved ones or total strangers, we need to try and understand what they want, how they want to be treated and communicated with, and treat them that way. 

If we just stick to the “my way or the highway” communications style – even though that style may work best for us and is how WE want to be treated, it may cause big conflict with our counterpart. 

This is certainly an area that I need work on, as I learn to deal with many cultures and companies globally – some with very different cultural norms than the New York style that I “like”. 

Sometimes it is important to not just take these well worn and tired maxims at face value (or take quite so many things so literally), and think about the real message...